[ if that's a little defensive, it's not barrow's fault. hard not to feel caught out, waltzing around the real question like he has. memory's always a fraught conversation. more for an old knight. more, for the gaps along alienage wall. ]
Around your age — sure. Had the sword a while by then, knew I didn't want t'give it back.
[ that cracks like a joke. even lay clergy got the short end of the broom. ]
[not true, he seems to want to incredulously say: there's a lot for a ten year old to remember. His first kiss, on a dare, with the neighbor girl; the calving season that year, wherein Prudence took a liking to one little spotted bull in particular and carried it around like a puppy until she couldn't pick it up anymore.]
Mate, [he says, gently, like he's approaching a startled horse with a carrot,] you telling me you don't remember joining the Templars?
S'pose... know Marisa always talked on horses, and no one liked writing Verses. But I know that same as I know Starkhaven's gone. Real, and gone, and it's someone told me both.
[ always been good enough for the maker. he's seen proof in the realness of the world, in the names on a list. the creak of hinges, a muffled answer: no, thanks, only me up here —
[ he doesn't much want to talk to anyone. been all day digging after circle property, and chatting up boatmen, and if he sits and smiles through one more dead end he's going to break his other hand.
but that isn't true. not really, or he wouldn't have called barrow. a breath out, ]
[ cedric slides in across from barrow. he's shucked the uniform upstairs, but the sweater's chantry-spun as anything else he owns — nearly everything that he does — a sleeve tugged down over splinted fingers.
no card game today, thank fuck. they're alone save the slow, steady thump of noose's tail at the end of the row. ]
What'd they have you on today?
[ scratching at the side of his cheek, distracted, it's plain as it's strange that he hasn't shaved. ]
[There is a card game, in a way: Barrow is playing Solitaire, and though he raises his eyebrows invitingly to Cedric when the younger man sits down, there's no pressure for anyone to join.]
I had me on trebuchets, [he says easily, flipping a card,] gonna be able to kit them out nice, I think.
[And that's all there is to say about that. Thump thump thump, goes the tail,]
[ they were a hell of a thing to see in action, and he thinks to ask after the harbor, the distance they might gain on a ship. but barrow flips a card, and he glances that instead: a queen, head heavy with veil. his eyes are sharp enough, tight as an overtuned fret. not a man confused. but, ]
Yeah, [ echoes for an answer. ] Yeah, 'm good.
[ he will be a few drinks from now. cedric doesn't interrupt the game just yet, only watches. drinks. eventually, ]
Saw some things back home. Guess I dunno what t'do with it.
[Barrow's eyebrows climb, his gaze rising curiously to meet the younger man's: he wasn't aware Cedric was missing any family, but it's easy to understand why this is a big deal.]
[spoken with something between horror and disbelief: nobody would joke about this kind of thing, least of all someone as In It as Carsus. If he's saying it, he has reason to think it's true.]
No, [ emphatic as it's reflexive. there are things you don't accuse clergy of. ] I trust Sister Tisiphone. I know there was a reason.
[ but they've already discussed the difference between knowing, and remembering; the things that one is told. it all sounds thin. his eyes cut aside. ]
I just can't — find it. [ cedric finishes the mug. ] Y'want another?
[sometimes clergy suck is the thing-- but Barrow logs away the name 'Tisiphone', not like that one's going to blend in with all the Fereldan names he knows.]
--sure, [he says, absently, mulling it over. He won't stop Cedric from going to get more drinks, as it gives him a bit of time to process what the fuck he's just heard.
When the younger Templar returns, Barrow has schooled his face back to avuncular and pleasant, even if he can't quite hide the tension at his eyes.]
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2024-09-23 07:54 pm (UTC)[Old enough to have spent a few farming seasons deciding he didn't want to be a farmer.]
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Date: 2024-09-23 08:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-09-23 08:28 pm (UTC)Sad, in its way. But it was what I wanted.
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Date: 2024-09-23 08:37 pm (UTC)[ that at some point barrow stopped wanting it hangs, unsaid. ]
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Date: 2024-09-23 08:45 pm (UTC)[There's a smile in his voice.]
Could've become a Brother, I s'pose, but. Too much reading.
[a pause,]
You don't remember at all?
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Date: 2024-09-23 08:55 pm (UTC)[ if that's a little defensive, it's not barrow's fault. hard not to feel caught out, waltzing around the real question like he has. memory's always a fraught conversation. more for an old knight. more, for the gaps along alienage wall. ]
Around your age — sure. Had the sword a while by then, knew I didn't want t'give it back.
[ that cracks like a joke. even lay clergy got the short end of the broom. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-23 09:00 pm (UTC)[not true, he seems to want to incredulously say: there's a lot for a ten year old to remember. His first kiss, on a dare, with the neighbor girl; the calving season that year, wherein Prudence took a liking to one little spotted bull in particular and carried it around like a puppy until she couldn't pick it up anymore.]
Mate, [he says, gently, like he's approaching a startled horse with a carrot,] you telling me you don't remember joining the Templars?
no subject
Date: 2024-09-23 09:14 pm (UTC)[ that isn't an answer. it is. a year or two on nine or ten. ]
'S not like I blacked out. Just... who's got details from then, y'know?
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Date: 2024-09-23 09:51 pm (UTC)[bro]
...most people?
I remember the day I arrived. Meeting the other lads, my first lessons, that sort of thing.
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Date: 2024-09-23 10:23 pm (UTC)Know that happened. Just, t'someone else.
[ to most people, and that can't be right. sometimes it's already too loud to think. ]
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Date: 2024-09-23 10:26 pm (UTC)[he's trying to keep it light, but there's concern here.]
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Date: 2024-09-23 10:46 pm (UTC)[ always been good enough for the maker. he's seen proof in the realness of the world, in the names on a list. the creak of hinges, a muffled answer: no, thanks, only me up here —
the door shuts again. ]
Sorry. 'S just Barzini.
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Date: 2024-09-24 01:53 am (UTC)it’s all right. [Barzini or whoever.]
Want to go grab a drink?
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Date: 2024-09-24 02:36 am (UTC)but that isn't true. not really, or he wouldn't have called barrow. a breath out, ]
Shit, yeah. 'M coming back from the Crossroads.
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Date: 2024-09-24 05:46 pm (UTC)[spoken like someone who will take any excuse to fuck off that way,]
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Date: 2024-09-27 12:37 am (UTC)no card game today, thank fuck. they're alone save the slow, steady thump of noose's tail at the end of the row. ]
What'd they have you on today?
[ scratching at the side of his cheek, distracted, it's plain as it's strange that he hasn't shaved. ]
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Date: 2024-09-27 08:04 pm (UTC)I had me on trebuchets, [he says easily, flipping a card,] gonna be able to kit them out nice, I think.
[And that's all there is to say about that. Thump thump thump, goes the tail,]
You all right?
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Date: 2024-09-27 10:57 pm (UTC)[ they were a hell of a thing to see in action, and he thinks to ask after the harbor, the distance they might gain on a ship. but barrow flips a card, and he glances that instead: a queen, head heavy with veil. his eyes are sharp enough, tight as an overtuned fret. not a man confused. but, ]
Yeah, [ echoes for an answer. ] Yeah, 'm good.
[ he will be a few drinks from now. cedric doesn't interrupt the game just yet, only watches. drinks. eventually, ]
Saw some things back home. Guess I dunno what t'do with it.
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Date: 2024-09-28 03:30 am (UTC)What'd you find?
[He keeps his gaze schooled downward, at his cards: if Cedric wants to talk, he will, but Barrow isn't going to pressure him into it.]
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Date: 2024-10-01 05:01 am (UTC)[ solitaire's built on foundations. a fragile sort of house. barrow the builder, and all the great engines of their defenses. ]
I think some of my cousins're alive. [ if the records are right. moved to cumberland before the attacks ] Won't know I am.
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Date: 2024-10-01 10:46 pm (UTC)Yeah? [intrigued,] You gonna get in touch?
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Date: 2024-10-08 09:31 am (UTC)[ a lie? an assumption? can't recall it clear enough to say, and there's things you just don't accuse clergy of. ]
But not sure now they got asked. And there's got to be a reason for that. There's got to be a good reason for them t'think I'm gone.
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Date: 2024-10-09 07:56 pm (UTC)You think--
[wait]
--you were kidnapped by the Order?
[spoken with something between horror and disbelief: nobody would joke about this kind of thing, least of all someone as In It as Carsus. If he's saying it, he has reason to think it's true.]
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Date: 2024-10-10 10:35 am (UTC)[ but they've already discussed the difference between knowing, and remembering; the things that one is told. it all sounds thin. his eyes cut aside. ]
I just can't — find it. [ cedric finishes the mug. ] Y'want another?
[ he's already going for one. ]
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Date: 2024-10-15 06:34 pm (UTC)--sure, [he says, absently, mulling it over. He won't stop Cedric from going to get more drinks, as it gives him a bit of time to process what the fuck he's just heard.
When the younger Templar returns, Barrow has schooled his face back to avuncular and pleasant, even if he can't quite hide the tension at his eyes.]
What's next to be done, then?
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