S'pose... know Marisa always talked on horses, and no one liked writing Verses. But I know that same as I know Starkhaven's gone. Real, and gone, and it's someone told me both.
[ always been good enough for the maker. he's seen proof in the realness of the world, in the names on a list. the creak of hinges, a muffled answer: no, thanks, only me up here —
[ he doesn't much want to talk to anyone. been all day digging after circle property, and chatting up boatmen, and if he sits and smiles through one more dead end he's going to break his other hand.
but that isn't true. not really, or he wouldn't have called barrow. a breath out, ]
[ cedric slides in across from barrow. he's shucked the uniform upstairs, but the sweater's chantry-spun as anything else he owns — nearly everything that he does — a sleeve tugged down over splinted fingers.
no card game today, thank fuck. they're alone save the slow, steady thump of noose's tail at the end of the row. ]
What'd they have you on today?
[ scratching at the side of his cheek, distracted, it's plain as it's strange that he hasn't shaved. ]
[There is a card game, in a way: Barrow is playing Solitaire, and though he raises his eyebrows invitingly to Cedric when the younger man sits down, there's no pressure for anyone to join.]
I had me on trebuchets, [he says easily, flipping a card,] gonna be able to kit them out nice, I think.
[And that's all there is to say about that. Thump thump thump, goes the tail,]
[ they were a hell of a thing to see in action, and he thinks to ask after the harbor, the distance they might gain on a ship. but barrow flips a card, and he glances that instead: a queen, head heavy with veil. his eyes are sharp enough, tight as an overtuned fret. not a man confused. but, ]
Yeah, [ echoes for an answer. ] Yeah, 'm good.
[ he will be a few drinks from now. cedric doesn't interrupt the game just yet, only watches. drinks. eventually, ]
Saw some things back home. Guess I dunno what t'do with it.
[Barrow's eyebrows climb, his gaze rising curiously to meet the younger man's: he wasn't aware Cedric was missing any family, but it's easy to understand why this is a big deal.]
[spoken with something between horror and disbelief: nobody would joke about this kind of thing, least of all someone as In It as Carsus. If he's saying it, he has reason to think it's true.]
No, [ emphatic as it's reflexive. there are things you don't accuse clergy of. ] I trust Sister Tisiphone. I know there was a reason.
[ but they've already discussed the difference between knowing, and remembering; the things that one is told. it all sounds thin. his eyes cut aside. ]
I just can't — find it. [ cedric finishes the mug. ] Y'want another?
[sometimes clergy suck is the thing-- but Barrow logs away the name 'Tisiphone', not like that one's going to blend in with all the Fereldan names he knows.]
--sure, [he says, absently, mulling it over. He won't stop Cedric from going to get more drinks, as it gives him a bit of time to process what the fuck he's just heard.
When the younger Templar returns, Barrow has schooled his face back to avuncular and pleasant, even if he can't quite hide the tension at his eyes.]
[ too fast, too flip. his face scrunches for it. a careful step over noose, and cedric slides the mug over, doesn't sit before he starts necking his own. ]
Don't change nothing, does it? Gotta get my head on straight. 'S all the same as it was.
[ you can't unswear an oath. only sever it — selfish — and what good's that done any of them? barrow, vanya, mobius. they're all still so goddamn lonely. ]
[A wince at how quickly Cedric is tossing back his ale-- well that's certainly not ideal-- but Barrow has a light touch with the squirrelly ones, and this is no exception.]
Head can still be on straight to do a lot of things, [he muses, accepting his own mug back with a hand curling like a lion's paw,]
do you want to find out what happened? Or is it best left forgotten?
[ says a man on lyrium, who's taken more knocks to the head than any healer'd recommend. but: again. an admission. ]
Y'never see a hole in the road. Only step over, chance, 'til one day you trip. Fall. Now you're always gonna think of it after, any time y'pass that spot. Same as it was, and nothing's changed, but it still weren't – it weren't there before. Not really.
[ squirrely. yeah, that's a word for it. cedric pushes a thumb into temple. at last surfaces to add, ]
[A kindly smile, sincere: selfish, perhaps, but it's nice to be trusted occasionally.]
I wouldn't know where to begin with all this, [and he's, you know, actively avoiding the Order,] but whenever you need another pair of hands, they're yours. Not the sort of thing someone should have to be worrying about.
[ wouldn't have gone to the others with this, couldn't. but for all barrow's choices, he's had his back from the start, from that first fucking demon. cedric isn't looking at him. watches his fingers, fiddles with the mug. ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2024-09-23 09:51 pm (UTC)[bro]
...most people?
I remember the day I arrived. Meeting the other lads, my first lessons, that sort of thing.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-23 10:23 pm (UTC)Know that happened. Just, t'someone else.
[ to most people, and that can't be right. sometimes it's already too loud to think. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-23 10:26 pm (UTC)[he's trying to keep it light, but there's concern here.]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-23 10:46 pm (UTC)[ always been good enough for the maker. he's seen proof in the realness of the world, in the names on a list. the creak of hinges, a muffled answer: no, thanks, only me up here —
the door shuts again. ]
Sorry. 'S just Barzini.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-24 01:53 am (UTC)it’s all right. [Barzini or whoever.]
Want to go grab a drink?
no subject
Date: 2024-09-24 02:36 am (UTC)but that isn't true. not really, or he wouldn't have called barrow. a breath out, ]
Shit, yeah. 'M coming back from the Crossroads.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-24 05:46 pm (UTC)[spoken like someone who will take any excuse to fuck off that way,]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-27 12:37 am (UTC)no card game today, thank fuck. they're alone save the slow, steady thump of noose's tail at the end of the row. ]
What'd they have you on today?
[ scratching at the side of his cheek, distracted, it's plain as it's strange that he hasn't shaved. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-27 08:04 pm (UTC)I had me on trebuchets, [he says easily, flipping a card,] gonna be able to kit them out nice, I think.
[And that's all there is to say about that. Thump thump thump, goes the tail,]
You all right?
no subject
Date: 2024-09-27 10:57 pm (UTC)[ they were a hell of a thing to see in action, and he thinks to ask after the harbor, the distance they might gain on a ship. but barrow flips a card, and he glances that instead: a queen, head heavy with veil. his eyes are sharp enough, tight as an overtuned fret. not a man confused. but, ]
Yeah, [ echoes for an answer. ] Yeah, 'm good.
[ he will be a few drinks from now. cedric doesn't interrupt the game just yet, only watches. drinks. eventually, ]
Saw some things back home. Guess I dunno what t'do with it.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-28 03:30 am (UTC)What'd you find?
[He keeps his gaze schooled downward, at his cards: if Cedric wants to talk, he will, but Barrow isn't going to pressure him into it.]
no subject
Date: 2024-10-01 05:01 am (UTC)[ solitaire's built on foundations. a fragile sort of house. barrow the builder, and all the great engines of their defenses. ]
I think some of my cousins're alive. [ if the records are right. moved to cumberland before the attacks ] Won't know I am.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-01 10:46 pm (UTC)Yeah? [intrigued,] You gonna get in touch?
no subject
Date: 2024-10-08 09:31 am (UTC)[ a lie? an assumption? can't recall it clear enough to say, and there's things you just don't accuse clergy of. ]
But not sure now they got asked. And there's got to be a reason for that. There's got to be a good reason for them t'think I'm gone.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-09 07:56 pm (UTC)You think--
[wait]
--you were kidnapped by the Order?
[spoken with something between horror and disbelief: nobody would joke about this kind of thing, least of all someone as In It as Carsus. If he's saying it, he has reason to think it's true.]
no subject
Date: 2024-10-10 10:35 am (UTC)[ but they've already discussed the difference between knowing, and remembering; the things that one is told. it all sounds thin. his eyes cut aside. ]
I just can't — find it. [ cedric finishes the mug. ] Y'want another?
[ he's already going for one. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-10-15 06:34 pm (UTC)--sure, [he says, absently, mulling it over. He won't stop Cedric from going to get more drinks, as it gives him a bit of time to process what the fuck he's just heard.
When the younger Templar returns, Barrow has schooled his face back to avuncular and pleasant, even if he can't quite hide the tension at his eyes.]
What's next to be done, then?
no subject
Date: 2024-10-19 05:19 am (UTC)[ too fast, too flip. his face scrunches for it. a careful step over noose, and cedric slides the mug over, doesn't sit before he starts necking his own. ]
Don't change nothing, does it? Gotta get my head on straight. 'S all the same as it was.
[ you can't unswear an oath. only sever it — selfish — and what good's that done any of them? barrow, vanya, mobius. they're all still so goddamn lonely. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-10-23 06:13 pm (UTC)Head can still be on straight to do a lot of things, [he muses, accepting his own mug back with a hand curling like a lion's paw,]
do you want to find out what happened? Or is it best left forgotten?
no subject
Date: 2024-10-25 01:08 am (UTC)[ says a man on lyrium, who's taken more knocks to the head than any healer'd recommend. but: again. an admission. ]
Y'never see a hole in the road. Only step over, chance, 'til one day you trip. Fall. Now you're always gonna think of it after, any time y'pass that spot. Same as it was, and nothing's changed, but it still weren't – it weren't there before. Not really.
[ squirrely. yeah, that's a word for it. cedric pushes a thumb into temple. at last surfaces to add, ]
Sorry. Didn't mean t'dump this on you.
no subject
Date: 2024-10-28 06:13 pm (UTC)[A kindly smile, sincere: selfish, perhaps, but it's nice to be trusted occasionally.]
I wouldn't know where to begin with all this, [and he's, you know, actively avoiding the Order,] but whenever you need another pair of hands, they're yours. Not the sort of thing someone should have to be worrying about.
no subject
Date: 2024-11-07 09:33 am (UTC)[ wouldn't have gone to the others with this, couldn't. but for all barrow's choices, he's had his back from the start, from that first fucking demon. cedric isn't looking at him. watches his fingers, fiddles with the mug. ]
Knowing it all now, would y'have stayed?
[ tended the farm. never joined, just to leave. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-11-18 10:47 pm (UTC)Would've just got in worse trouble, more like. Never had much sense.