He considers that for a moment, and nods his understanding.
"I've never--" he begins, and clearly feels ashamed, by the way he ducks his head and rubs the back of his neck. "...I've never felt powerless before." It's the kind of experience that rattles one to the core even when they aren't an unflappable wall of person. "Now I'm not certain I ever won't."
Colin bobs his head. He gets it. They sit in companionable silence for a moment as he collects his thoughts on the matter.
"I used to think it would just take time. Time heals, time will tell, that rot. Then seven or eight years on, I wondered why nothing was changing. I realized I still saw the world as a place that was out to hurt me at every turn, and in order to get better, I had to train myself to think differently. Though that might be putting the horse before the cart, for you. You have to...digest. Maybe even grieve. Take it in little steps, and don't be afraid to ask for help. People sincerely want to help you. You've helped me so much."
He nods. "When you first Silenced me, in battle, I went...back there. I wasn't even in the battle anymore. Everything I saw, heard, smelled, it was just..."
A little shake of his head. "And as hard as it's been, sticking with our exercises, you've never asked questions. You've never pushed me further than I was willing. You've been respectful and kind, and I've improved a lot. I still hate being Silenced, it still makes me think of what happened, but maybe I won't be a liability in battle anymore."
"You've done nothing to earn it." He smirks, a twinkle of genuine fondness in his eye. "I've pitied some. Perhaps I shouldn't have." He purses his lips and looks forward again, his eyes going distant. "What's pity worth when what someone needs is help, after all."
"Exactly. And it's incredibly condescending and reductive."
Colin stands up and quickly starts collecting a few medicines.
"I'm going to send you home with something to help you sleep, and before you go, I want to give you another good healing. Unfortunately, there's only so far even magic can go, and even I won't know how much is left unhealed. The sheer magnitude of the damage to your body can only be guessed at. You'll probably have pain and swelling for a time, and even the bits that have been healed may not immediately realize they've been healed. Do you have any questions?"
Barrow nods-- Colin has done enough for him, in fact, that he knows better than to reject what the mage thinks is best. Still, those words are difficult to hear, and the fatigue creeps back into his face.
"You say that this will... likely never completely go away," he says, perhaps just for confirmation, that he heard him right. Something else he has to process.
"I'll do everything I can to help," Colin clarifies calmly. "All of us will. But cases this extreme...you'll probably have to expect the onset of rheumatism earlier than you might have. It will be vital that you stick with the exercises I mentioned for the duration of your healing process. Don't push yourself, just be consistent. The herbs will balance yellow bile and reduce the inflammation, and a nutritious diet will strengthen your body and refine the healing process. I can't tell you how debilitating it might be, but you're strong and healthy otherwise, which counts for a lot.
"And, unlike any of the case studies I've read about, you have a spirit healer at your side. And I was taught by the very best."
Colin beams and puts the medicines into a little bag, which he hands to Barrow.
"I'm going to cast again," he says, placing his hands back on his shoulders, "and you'll be free to go after."
He says it now because in a few seconds, he is going to be exhausted and isn't sure what he'll say afterward. With a deep breath, he reopens himself to Compassion and channels its healing magic, holding nothing back. When it's over, he sways a little, but manages to avoid embarrassing falls or obvious drunkwalking.
"Rest well." His voice sounds distant to his own ears.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2020-07-27 06:14 pm (UTC)"I've never--" he begins, and clearly feels ashamed, by the way he ducks his head and rubs the back of his neck.
"...I've never felt powerless before." It's the kind of experience that rattles one to the core even when they aren't an unflappable wall of person. "Now I'm not certain I ever won't."
no subject
Date: 2020-07-27 06:32 pm (UTC)"I used to think it would just take time. Time heals, time will tell, that rot. Then seven or eight years on, I wondered why nothing was changing. I realized I still saw the world as a place that was out to hurt me at every turn, and in order to get better, I had to train myself to think differently. Though that might be putting the horse before the cart, for you. You have to...digest. Maybe even grieve. Take it in little steps, and don't be afraid to ask for help. People sincerely want to help you. You've helped me so much."
no subject
Date: 2020-07-27 06:40 pm (UTC)"Really?"
It's easy to feel like a bit of a bastard, throwing mages off their game on purpose.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-27 06:48 pm (UTC)A little shake of his head. "And as hard as it's been, sticking with our exercises, you've never asked questions. You've never pushed me further than I was willing. You've been respectful and kind, and I've improved a lot. I still hate being Silenced, it still makes me think of what happened, but maybe I won't be a liability in battle anymore."
no subject
Date: 2020-07-27 06:49 pm (UTC)A long pause.
"I'm glad to hear it."
And he is, even if it feels a strange thing to be glad about.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-27 10:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2020-07-28 01:37 am (UTC)"I've pitied some. Perhaps I shouldn't have." He purses his lips and looks forward again, his eyes going distant.
"What's pity worth when what someone needs is help, after all."
no subject
Date: 2020-07-28 01:57 am (UTC)Colin stands up and quickly starts collecting a few medicines.
"I'm going to send you home with something to help you sleep, and before you go, I want to give you another good healing. Unfortunately, there's only so far even magic can go, and even I won't know how much is left unhealed. The sheer magnitude of the damage to your body can only be guessed at. You'll probably have pain and swelling for a time, and even the bits that have been healed may not immediately realize they've been healed. Do you have any questions?"
no subject
Date: 2020-07-28 02:36 am (UTC)"You say that this will... likely never completely go away," he says, perhaps just for confirmation, that he heard him right. Something else he has to process.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-28 02:50 am (UTC)"And, unlike any of the case studies I've read about, you have a spirit healer at your side. And I was taught by the very best."
A little encouraging smile.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-28 03:10 am (UTC)"Well. Glad to have friends on the other side," he says with a wink, some of his natural jollity returning. "Thanks, lad."
no subject
Date: 2020-07-28 03:19 am (UTC)"I'm going to cast again," he says, placing his hands back on his shoulders, "and you'll be free to go after."
He says it now because in a few seconds, he is going to be exhausted and isn't sure what he'll say afterward. With a deep breath, he reopens himself to Compassion and channels its healing magic, holding nothing back. When it's over, he sways a little, but manages to avoid embarrassing falls or obvious drunkwalking.
"Rest well." His voice sounds distant to his own ears.