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[thereneverwas]

[For correspondence, private scenes, and anthrax.]

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[thereneverwas]

[Oh is that what we're doing now,]

Well so do you, mate, can I have one of yours then?

[Imagine such a ridiculous operation being possible.]

[illithidnapped]

You poor darling, if only I could.

Elves, you see. Completely incompatible with all your— hm. Fragile little parts.

[thereneverwas]

[Fair enough. Still.

Grumbling,] we'll see who's fragile next time I have to drag you away from a losing battle.

[illithidnapped]

If you hadn't interfered I wouldn't have lost.

[Oh, wonderful. From resolution and closure all the way back into argumentative petulance. Well done, Astarion. Very mature.]

[thereneverwas]

That so?

Maybe you should explain it to the Commander, if that’s the case.

[It’s not a real threat; he’s just tired, and grouchy, and trying not to admit he’s a bit traumatized by the whole ordeal.]

[illithidnapped]

What— no.

[Abrupt panic gives way to high, breathy laughter when he presses, quickly:] No no no. No need for all that, now.

We're dear friends after all. No point in dredging up the past, right?

[thereneverwas]

Of course not, no point at all.

[The smile in his voice is audible.]

I'll let you know when I need a favor.

[illithidnapped]

Or consider instead [Astarion starts, pressing only lightly so as to worm his way out of owing a blank check to anyone here ] I could tell you a secret.

[thereneverwas]

Hmm.

[He makes a big show of thinking. Then,]

or I could just make you do all the cleaning on the training pitch until I'm all healed up. [these things take time]

[illithidnapped]

Trust me, this is one little tidbit you'll want to have in hand.

Worth months of training pitch cleanup. Possibly even years.

[thereneverwas]

Well. That's a long time.

[He hesitates.]

Why'll I want to have it in hand?

[illithidnapped]

Because it’s of interest to you. [Astarion says ever-so-gently, before adding, with far more weight behind it:]

And it relates to you.

[thereneverwas]

[A long-suffering sigh. He hates that this is working.]

Relevant in a good way, or bad?

[illithidnapped]

That depends on your perspective. [For once, it isn't deflection: the flatness in his tone might even convey that much, given a lack of typical coyness.]

I'm a reliquary of vital information, not a mind reader.

[thereneverwas]

[Ugh. Damn it.
Barrow may be lazy and avoidant, but he can’t stifle his curiosity.]

Fine.

Deal.

[illithidnapped]

Our dear Lady Seeker is terribly concerned for you. In fact, she's been wrestling with the temptation to come see you for quite some time now.

[Delicate, his delivery. Like handling glass, all of it.]

Never once managing the nerve for it.

[thereneverwas]

[Well that's.

Not what he expected.

But also not, shall we say, an unwelcome revelation.]

...what?

[illithidnapped]

She told me herself. And you know, she’s never struck me as the indecisive type.

Yet here we are: her confessing to me a desire to see you— and you left completely in the dark. No doubt because she’s fallen prey to all those restless worries.

It’s a bit tragic, if you ask me. Wanting something, and yet...

[He scoffs quietly, clicking his tongue as though scolding himself.]

Well.

That’s not exactly my business, I suppose.

[thereneverwas]

One might argue none of it is your business, [Barrow sighs, but point taken, it was a secret pertaining to him.]

I won't go chasing her down, if that's what you're after. The last thing someone like the Seeker needs is a fat old bastard breathing down her neck.

[illithidnapped]

Don’t sell yourself short. Self-pity is a terrible habit— and an absolute bore. [Unless it's Astarion's own self-pity, and then it's charming and fair and entirely reasonable.]

You’re a handsome devil, even if you’re not glistening with spring dew.

But if you’re too put off by the idea, I won’t corral you into it. Just offering you a little perspective to use as you like.

[thereneverwas]

Well.

As long as you think so.

[It is physically impossible for Barrow not to flirt with everyone he meets, even as cruel as it is that he's only actually interested in half of them.]

[illithidnapped]

[Utterly cruel. How very dare.]

Ahah. Don't.

Now you're just toying with what's left of my cold, dead, heart.

[thereneverwas]

Surely a fellow like you has prospects throwing themselves at his feet.

[It's genuine; he's a bit surprised.]

[illithidnapped]

Well. I certainly have friends in low places. [A little joke, given how much time he spends in Lowtown’s more colorful districts.]

But no, there aren’t any parades of suitors lining up in front of my door.

I’ll survive. Flatterer.

[thereneverwas]

I expect you will. No matter the odds.

[It's a compliment and an indictment all at once.]